My best
friend’s boyfriend is a jerk and I feel he is manipulating her. Even though I
feel like it is obvious, my friend is oblivious to it. She complains all day,
yet it is unbearable for her, even to think about breaking up with him. As her
best friend, I am helpless, unable to make a decision whether to step in and do
what ever it takes to break them up or remain silent until she realizes that
she should take a break from this unhealthy relationship in order to make up
her mind. I thought I along experienced such problems. In a recent discussion
at a break during lectures I was surprised to see that many people face similar
issues in BFF (Best Friends Forever) relationships.
From what I
learned, many BFFs feel neglected and left out when their best friend gets into
a relationship. It seems to affect the relationship of the two friends,
especially if one friend is still single. In a situation like this, where the
better half of your best friend seems to be a not-so-nice guy, you may feel
frustrated or disappointed, indecisive whether to be supportive or not. At one
point you might be confused whether this ‘dislike’ of the guy or girl is
genuine or whether it arises from the fear of losing your friend.
If your best
friend is dating, and you’re not, there is a chance that trying to pick up only
the negatives is a result of jealousy. It’s natural to want to have someone
special in your life and react with jealousy when it happens to others, but not
to you. Just be aware that this could also be a reason why you demonize your
best friend’s sweetheart.
Maybe he or
she was your best friend from nursery and you have shared almost all the
important incidents in your life. Maybe he/she know all of your secrets and you
may have to kill your friend if he or she spits out a single word. But still
one thing you have to keep in your mind is that your friend is also an
individual who has his or her own set of values and choices. If it is not a red
flag issue like physical or mental abuse, it is better not to poke into their
relationship issues. On your part, without direct interference you can help
your friend to rebuild the diminished self-esteem and encourage the friend with
regard to work or studies.
When your friend is going through a difficult relationship always be a good listener to
When your friend is going through a difficult relationship always be a good listener to
him/her.
There is always a chance that he/she knows what the best decision for
themselves. They know it but they just want to confide their decision in you,
hoping for encouragement. One golden rule for these victims is; never ever
criticize your friend’s lover’s behavior with him or her. If they finally end
up together, they will see you as the demon and you’ll lose your best friend.
