We
like to please others, from the beggars getting in to the bus hoping that there
will be kind hearts who would spare some change for them, mother who is asking
you to help prepare dinner to a colleague who is asking to stand in for him in an
office issue. Pleasing others who asks you for help is one of the kindest
things you can do, therefore saying NO to these people will be an extremely
hard thing to do. How can you say ‘no’ to the person who stands up for you at
office or your mother who always takes care of you? It will be a rude thing to
do. Sometimes, in your head you might think it is your responsibility to help
out the near and dear ones. Saying ‘no’ when you have this feeling might provoke
a guilt feeling.
It’s
good if you never have to turn down requests of your friends or loved ones.
Yet, there is a limit you can be helping others. Helping people can be great,
but if you say yes to everyone who asks, you'll never be able to do it all and
you will not have time to attend to your matters. If you are included in the
category, which you can’t open you mouth to say ‘no, there is a chance that you
get loaded with tasks that you don’t enjoy performing. This isn't good for
anyone; not to you or to the person who was seeking help. You're not going to
do your best when you're unhappy.
If
you are a person, who finds it hard to say ‘no’, you are probably aware of this
and maybe you have experienced it. You might have wanted to say ‘no’ to reject
some but something inside you prevented you from saying it. Therefore, as
usual, you carried the other person’s chip on your shoulder, even though it
weighs too much for you. How do you stop saying ‘yes’ to everyone.
But,
how do you say no to a request with out looking like a jerk? All what you need
is a little bit of confidence to speak out your mind. Here’s how you can turn
down a request asking for help without making yourself look like a jerk. When a
person asks you for help and you feel that you aren’t ready to help him or her,
have the guts to say ‘no’. But first, let the person finish what he or she is
saying. Think to yourself whether it’s possible or not. Don’t interrupt the
person until he/she finishes talking. Learn to listen to the person with
respect, even though this person is continuous help seeker who has almost got
on your nerves for reaching out to you for every simple thing.
You
may feel bad for declining, but don’t show the other person that you are upset
about it. Keep your voice calm and confident and keep it as simple as, “sorry,
I will not be able to help you this time.” It will remind this person that you
have already helped him several times and will be available to help him in the
future events. If the person looks disappointed, don’t try to explain yourself
or confront him with the previous times you have offered him help.
Do
not feel obligated to explain. You have your reasons and they may not be ones
you wish to discuss. Keep in mind that
it's your time they're are requesting for and you have the choice to accept or
decline what they're asking of you.
But
in return, you too must understand that there will be events where others will
have to decline your requests for help. As much as you feel burdened to help a person,
when you are not ready, the one who you are asking help for will also feel
burdened. If one ever says no to you, don’t get all mad about him or her. Try
and understand the situation.
However,
don’t keep this as an excuse and keep declining all events where you have been
asked for help. You can’t avoid all circumstances. Try and do the best possible
for you while giving out the maximum for others. Also, remember that these
people are the ones whom you have to reach out for when you are in need of help.
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