There can be no companionship with a fool

We hear that we are social beings all the time. We carve friendships of others. We look for shoulders to cry on, hands to hold. While majority is like this, there are a few among us who carve solitude and for some unexplainable reason, the society tries to look at these alone-people with an eye of suspect. However, there is a great difference between being lonely and being alone. Many people are alone and lead happy lives.

Loneliness might seem like a bad thing. It is not a soothing feeling you get when you know that there is no one you can rely on. It’s tough when you do not have someone to talk to when you are sad. But, is it all right if we keep a relationship with another person for the sake of not being lonely?

Friends are an essential element of a successful life indeed; value of a good relationship cannot be measured. What’s also immeasurable is the harm a depressing companionship will cause on you.

Buddhism speaks about loners, explains why they should continue to be alone if they cannot find a better or an equal companion. 61^st verse of Dhammapada says:

Carance nadhigaccheyya
seyyam sadisamattano
ekacariyaram dalham kayira
natthi bale sahayata.

(Meaning: Avoid going along with fools. Should one fail to find one better or equal as companion, then one should continue this journey alone. There can be no friendship with fools.)

These lines were delivered by the Buddha while he was residing at the Jetavana monastery. Mahakassapa thera, one of the Buddha's most eminent disciples was residing near Rajagaha Nuwara with two young bhikkhus. One of them was respectful, obedient and dutiful to the thera, but the other was not. When the old thera blamed the latter for his slackness in his duties, he was very much offended. On one occasion, he went to the house of a lay-disciple of the thera, and lied to them that the thera was ill. Thus, he got some choice food from them for the thera; but he ate the food on the way. When admonished by the thera for this, he was extremely angry. The next day, when the thera was out on his alms-round, the young foolish bhikkhu stayed behind, broke the pots and pans and set fire to the monastery. When a bhikkhu from Rajagaha told the Buddha about this, the Buddha said, “If a person seeking a companion cannot find one who is better than or equal to him, let him resolutely go on alone; there can be no companionship with a fool,” pointing out that it would have been much better for   Mahakassapa Thera to live alone than to live with a foolish companion. 

Another similar story is read in Dhammapada verse 330.

Ekassa caritam seyyo
natthi bale sahayata
eko care na ca papani kayira
appossukko matanga' ranneva nago.

 Meaning of this verse is that, ‘it is better to live alone; there is no fellowship with a fool. So one should live alone, do no evil, and be carefree like the elephant roaming alone in the forest.’

 It’s not always easy to tell a positive relationship from a negative one. Yet if a friendship is stressing you out and demands too much from you, most probably that is a negative friendship. You know that it is not a positive relationship when you don’t get anything back no matter how much you offer. These toxic relationships can be bad for our mental health and well-being. 

If you are a person who is afraid to be alone or a person who is tired of friends who destroy the best in you, it is time to think back. Always remember that friends you make is a choice of yours. If you can’t see a single way of improving your toxic relationship, you should think about letting it go. You don’t have to keep friends to show the world that you are not alone. Don’t be scared of being lonely; be scared of foolish companionship which may suck your life out of you. Being a forever-alone will be not so scary if you consider the harm done by toxic relationships.